I won't rush you
by Mightybooshrocks
Summary: When Draco is distressed about liking Harry, what will happen when Blaise is there for him and the war takes it's toll on his and Harry's relationship? Is it to dangerous to allow yourself to love?


_**I won't rush you.**_

Draco Malfoy had always despised Harry that much had been clear, but when he awoke one night screaming Harry's name at the top of his voice covered in sweat, that's when it came quite clear to Draco that he was attracted to his arched nemesis. Harry Potter.

I tried to get back to my slumber, my peaceful slumber that had been disturbed by Potter! When he kissed me and held me close to his chest rocking my slowly backwards and forwards as he whispered "I love you, I'll never let you go, you'll never be alone again, , and no one can hurt you while I'm around...not even your father!" I shuddered at the mention of my father invading my thoughts, that dreadful man that caused me to lose everything my house, not my mother but her sanity was long gone, any family connection that I had left and most importantly my ability to love.

I tried and tried to go back to sleep but them words that Potter had whispered to me in my dream rang clearly through my head as if he was looming over me screaming these words into my ear over and over again, as I laid on top of the covers still sweating and panting heavily as I kept losing my train of thought and forgetting to breath frequently, and like a man forced under water I would have to gasp for air to keep myself from fainting. Truthfully I had to keep opening my eyes in awe to gaze frantically around the room to make sure that Potter hadn't crept into my room and was playing a cruel joke on me. But he never appeared. He was never there leaning over me to plant a sweet kiss upon me lips. He was in his dorm unaware of the pain I was going through, not that he would have been bothered if he had known, and he still hated me. As this fact crossed my mind I winced and jerked myself upright and ran to the bathroom locking the door as soon as it closed, and in one smooth motion I threw up all over the toilet. The pain heaved out of me, it wasn't like throwing up because you were sick or drunk it was a different feeling all together, it was like being ripped apart from the inside, almost as if I had intentionally made myself sick at the thought of Pott…Harry hating me. I knew what I had done, I do it every time something is too much to handle, my gag reflexes kick in as if trying to force the thought that had me so distressed out of me, but it never works and it always remains.

When I had finally stopped spewing into the toilet I leaned back against the cold stone of the basin letting my hair flop back onto my pale face, my breathing was off the scale, becoming erratic and fast paced, I tried to calm my breathing down with a happy thought, the same happy thought I use whenever I'm in anyway distressed or angry, my father telling me I was his one and only heir and hugging me for the very first and the very last time, my father might have been a cruel, evil man but he wasn't like that all the time. I had to admit to myself that this wasn't much happiness to me, but there was a reason this was the happy thought I used all the time, it was the only happy thought I had left to go on. I listened to my breathing slowly coming to a lower; more normal paced beat and I went to flush the toilet to dispose of any evidence that was left of my weak attempt at suppressing a bad thought. Just as I pulled the flush I caught a glimpse of what lay in the toilet, it wasn't vomit, it was blood. I watched the thick, red liquid swirl down until all that was left was pinkish water at the bottom of the toilet.

I pulled myself up off the cold floor using the basin to steady my unstable legs that barely held the weight of my body and looked into the mirror, I saw the pale figure that stared back at me, and I looked terrible. My face looked like all the life had been sucked out of it, and my eyes were still watering and burning an image of a stinging red, I didn't know whether my eyes were watering because I was crying or because of the pain that I had just injured, I took defeat and accepted that it was probably the first reason more than the second, and that's when I broke down in tears. My eyes began leaking like a bust water pipe, water spewed out from all directions running violently down my face, curving round my jaw and disappearing down to my neck, I tried and tried to wipe my eyes but this just spurred the tears on to become faster and more and more frequent, I finally slumped into a ball on the floor and curled up sobbing as silently as I could and trying to disappear as I wrapped my arms tighter and tighter around myself, but I remained a heap, a mess, on that cold floor wallowing in my own self pity.

I awoke to a violent banging on the door of the bathroom.

"Draco will you get the fucking arse out of that bathroom now! Or do I have to drag you out of it kicking and screaming?"

I stumbled to my feet realising that I must have fallen asleep whilst crying, with one quick glance into the mirror, seeing gratefully that I had returned to near enough my normal self I scrambled to unlock to door to be faced with an angry looking Blaise.

"Finally! Have you been in there all night or something?" Blaise exclaimed gesturing towards the bathroom.

"No I just erm…I felt ill! Just leave me alone I have to get ready!" I shoved past Blaise, but I had moved to quickly as I was still weak from last night and I lunged forward shoving my hands out in front of me to try and brake my fall as the ground got closer and closer to me, but suddenly I felt two strong arms around me sheltering me from my fall and pulling me into an upright position.

"Come on, its okay I got you!" Blaise huffed as he sat me on the four poster bed. As Blaise sat me down on that bed I felt the tears building up behind my eyes again ready to burst free but I knew that wasn't an option. I was a slytherin, I wasn't aloud to show emotion, none of us were, that's just the way it was, if I let out one tear how ever small it was it would spread like wild fire and I would be an outcast in the slytherin house, no one would speak to me let alone be my friend! Crying wasn't an option.

"You know you can cry, I won't tell anyone! There are only us here all the rest of them have buggered off to breakfast…" As the words flowed out of Blaise's mouth in perfect harmony with my thoughts I stared at him in awe as if he was some sort of mind reader! But still I couldn't cry, you couldn't trust anyone in slytherin, even if they were…your best friend.

"I'm not going to cry! What do you take me for some sort of ponce?" I sneered at him as I stood up but stupidly I made the same mistake as before and moved to quickly losing my balance and I flopped back down onto the bed beside Blaise. I slowly placed my head into my hands rubbing them through my hair as I tried to sooth my spinning head, I then felt a warm hand rest on my shoulder that I only assumed to be Blaise's, I lifted my head from my hands and confirmed that it was Blaise's hand that lay hesitantly on my shoulder, I then glanced up to see Blaise's face looking sympathetically down at me, it was nice to finally have a real friend trying to comfort me in a non selfish way but I knew that if I let him though my dark exterior then I'd have to tell him everything…everything.

"Are you trying to seduce me or something?" I spat at him through gritted teeth, this was killing me! My best friend was trying to help me by comforting me in a way that any decent friend would have done when someone was in need and I was…pushing him away? Rejecting the only act of kindness I've had pursued on me since my mother finally lost it!

Blaise jerked his hand away from my shoulder with a look of disgust on his face as if I'd just spat on him! I guess in a plutonic sense I sort of had.

"Fine! You want to be alone and reject my help fine! Be like that!" Blaise stood up abruptly and stormed out of the room leaving a cold draft pour over me as the door slammed shut with a bang. I ran to the door as if I were to open it and scream after Blaise telling him not to go but I just stood there with one of my bony hands against the wood of the door whispering "I'm sorry…"

After I had composed myself enough to go to the bathroom and get changed from my pyjamas into my school robes I splashed my face with cold water, it helped but only for a second, as soon as the shock of the cold against my warm skin had gone all the awful things that had occurred last night and early this morning came flooding back overtaking all of my senses and the searing pain that rose in the pit of my stomach returned. I realised the only way to keep this pain at bay was to keep the water on my skin, to keep the shock of the cold against me, I thrust my head into the overflowing basin and suddenly the pain stopped. Everything went quiet and the still flowing water pounded against my ears as my head seemed to sink deeper and deeper into the small basin as if it had opened up and was transformed into a never ending cavern.

Suddenly I heard a distant gasp and felt someone pull me from my peaceful state and back into the painful world that was reality.

"What the fuck are you doing? Are you trying to kill yourself?" Blaise screamed while shaking me back and forth, digging his nails into my skinny arms. I was to shaken up to answer, it had all happened so fast and it was hard to digest that only a few seconds ago everything had been so clear and now he was being accused of being suicidal! I composed myself and gathered my thoughts before answering Blaise who was now shaking with anger, or it might have been fear but I wasn't about to ask.

"What? No of course I'm not I'm not fucking stupid I was just..." What was I doing I thought to myself, how can I explain to him what I was doing when I didn't fully know myself, all I knew was that I was trying to escape the pain that burnt inside of me each day. Then I failed, my body gave way and I was on the floor being pulled up by Blaise for the second time in that day.

"Are you okay Draco? Should I get a teacher?" he said trying to compose his voice into something that was somewhat collected but he hid the sadness and panic that was rising up inside of him very poorly.

"No! No! I'm fine I just collapsed at the quickening of the situation!" I answered truthfully as I clung to the sleeves of his robes trying to clamber into a standing position. Blaise helped me as he pulled me off the floor digging his hands into my ribs and hoisting me up and across the room to sit me on the bed leaning my head against the headboard.

"Could you get me a glass of water please?" I rasped as my voice felt like sand because of how much water that had been forced down my throat as I was pulled out of the basin.

"As long as you promise not to try and drown yourself in it again!" Blaise chuckled weakly as he got up and walked through to the bathroom to fill a glass with water for me, I don't know whether he was joking or not when he said that but even if he was joking he still got it me how ever reluctant to the idea he was. Blaise came back with the glass of water hurrying as if his life depended on it but trying to be careful not to spill any at the same time.

"Here you go, or do you want me to hold it while you drink?"

"I think I'm more than capable of holding a glass of water while drinking from it!" I laughed as I took the glass from Blaise's shaking fingers; I sipped gingerly trying to take small sips and trying my hardest to regain control of my accelerating heart.

"So…do you want to tell me what you were doing in there?"

I took a deep breath and thought carefully about my words before I spoke.

"Blaise…I was upset about our fight and other things that happened last night, the pain only seemed to go away when the cold water hit my skin so I dived my head into the basin and it all seemed to disappear, it was so…peaceful and then you barged in screaming like a lunatic and accused me of trying to drown myself?"

Blaise looked down to the floor before answering with "Draco…I'm sorry I came back to get my books and to maybe try and resolve things with you if you let me and I just saw you leaned over with your head dived straight into the basin with the water overflowing all onto the ground, and you were deadly still…I panicked!" Blaise reached out his hand in a handshaking manner and thrust it in front of me.

"Truce?" He said with his hand lingering in the air still shaking with fear of rejection.

"Truce!" I agreed happily reaching out his own hand to shake Blaise's and enthusiastically. We sat in silence for what seemed like forever though I'm sure it was no more that 2 minutes at tops! Just as I was about to speak thanking Blaise for his efforts even though he had been completely wrong Blaise broke the silence with a question I had been hoping he wouldn't ask…

"So what things were troubling you last night to make you suicidal?"

"I TOLD YOU I WAS NOT SUICIDAL!" I screamed at him but this just brushed over Blaise as he laughed deeply and punched my arm!

"I know you weren't stupid I was joking!" he laughed "So do I need to beat these things out of you or are you going to tell me what has your worried?" I was sick of hiding things from my best friend, he deserved to know the truth so with one deep breath it all came spilling out.

"Do you remember last summer when I told you I was gay? Well last night I had a dream about Potter! It wasn't a sexual dream it was more…loving? More intimate and nice I guess, I was in his arms and he told me he wouldn't let anything hurt me again…like my father did, and then I woke up screaming his name, the dream was so real that I kept getting confused and looking round for him because the words he whispered to me in the dream were so clear…so loud! But then I got a grip and thought course he's not here he's asleep not thinking about you, he hates you! And when something bad happens to me or I feel sad or angry I unintentionally throw up so that was why I was in the bathroom, I curled up after throwing up and…I cried okay? I cried my eyes out trying to disappear and must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remember was you banging on the door shouting at me to get my arse out of the bathroom! And then when you asked me what was wrong this morning I panicked because slytherin's aren't meant to show feeling so I lied and pushed you away when all I really wanted was to tell you what I'm telling you now…I'm so sorry."

It took Blaise at least five minutes to compose himself and digest all the information I had given him, after all it had been a mouthful but eventually he looked up from his lap and put his hand lightly on my wrist.

"Okay for one thing you can talk like no one else can Draco! But that comes with being a pompous prick I guess?" He said smirking

"Number two never hide your feelings from me again Draco Malfoy! I understand slytherin's, they can't be trusted but I'm not just a slytherin I'm your best mate and don't you ever forget that do you hear me?" as his grip tightened on my wrist which made me nod as the grip ceased a little.

"Finally number three! Yes I remember last summer and I think dreams have meaning's so I think if you think this dream is real and if it means a great deal to you, which from what I've heard it does then I think you should pursue it and try and find out what your true feeling's are for Potter when not in a dream world!" His grip loosened yet again until his hand was again only resting on my wrist, the world seemed so much clearer now Blaise knew and gave me his opinions, but unfortunately I then caught a glimpse at the clock that lay on the wall. It was five minutes to nine!

"Fuck we have five minutes to get to lesson!" I said hastily trying to stand up but Blaise pushed me back onto the bed with his strength.

"No way mister! No fucking way are you in any fit state to stand let alone go to lessons and actually work! Your going to stay here and I'm going to tell Snape that your gravely Ill while you sleep everything off, Understand?" He said all this with the highest authority whilst pushing my head onto the pillow and drawing the bed covers over me.

"I understand perfectly sir!" I said with a little mock salute before my world seeped away as I fell into a deep sleep instantly, I hadn't realised I was this tired until now.

As I awoke I felt better but I still hadn't resolved what I was feeling for Harry? Everything else seemed clearer but that still remained blurry, I had to find out. I glanced at the clock seeing I only had half and hour to dinner so I stood carefully trying not to faint as Blaise was not hear to stop be cracking my head open this time, but surprisingly everything did not start spinning and my legs now supported my body perfectly, I looked down to see that I had slept in my robes which were now crumpled as if I had been turning a lot as I slept, I knew I had, I might have had a peaceful rest but it was no where near dreamless. As I started to change into something a little less crumpled my mind kept wondering to the night approaching, how was I to bear it? I couldn't bear another night like the last, or Blaise would actually be finding me in the basin with suicidal intentions, maybe if was to stay awake until the sun rose then have one or two hours of sleep, the sun made it better. But this was stupid I couldn't do that, sleep was a necessity but so was life?

"Why am I like this? Why am I so stupid?" I muttered loudly to myself as I ran my hands through my now lank hair, I have a habit of speaking my thoughts out when no one's around, when I think no one's around…

"I don't know Draco; I've been trying to figure out what makes you so thick all day but sadly I've had no luck!" I spun round to see Blaise's head sticking through the slightly opened door!

"Shut up!" I said with a hint of slight sarcasm before throwing a pillow at him which he caught and threw back at me hitting me straight in the face.

"Okay so now we've had a pillow fight like the girls we are, are you coming to dinner that's the only reason I'm here"

"Yes, yes of course I think I need something to eat…but Blaise…Potter will be there I don't know if…if I can face seeing him yet" I whispered as I stared down at the floor.

"Come on Draco, I'll hold your hand if that's what you need" he said as he winked at me with a cheeky smile!

"I do not need my hand holding!" I exclaimed standing up to walk out of the dorm for the first time today, the change of surroundings was certainly good for me! But I thought I heard Blaise mutter under his breath,

"No you want Potter to hold your hand don't you" with a harsh glare.

As we approached the great hall my steps started slowing down and my heart started beating faster again!

"Come on you can do this" whispered Blaise as he gave my arm a slight squeeze.

"Thank you…" I whispered returning the gesture as we walked through the great hall, and there he was, Potter! I glanced over to see him just sitting reading a book while Granger and Weasley were bickering over something that seemed totally irrelevant, suddenly Potter turned away from his book and turned to stare right at me! I looked away quickly like a nervous school girl but I felt his eyes stay staring at me, burning into my now weak posture as the feel of fainting returned to me.

"Potter's staring at you! Do you need me to take you to madam pomfrey because I'm starting to think all this fainting is unnatural?"

"No, no I'm fine just let's go sit down, but don't let go of my arm though or we will be making a trip to madam pomfrey!" I chuckled weakly.

"Understood" Blaise whispered as he prised me from the spot I was stuck to and walked me carefully to the slytherin table.

_ xo_

I watched as Malfoy walked into the hall as usual but something seemed different, he looked even paler than usual and his eyes were flicking around in all directions, I looked back to my book but couldn't help myself from peering up and taking another look at him. As I put my book down and turned my head I saw Malfoy was staring back at me! But as soon as I made eye contact with him he went even paler and looked away immediately and turned to stare at Blaise who was now holding his arm, I wanted to look away but I couldn't not when Blaise was obviously telling something to Malfoy as he tried to steady him, something was not right! But eventually Blaise pulled Draco over to the slytherin table slowly and I was forced to stop staring as Blaise gave me a quick glare from the corner of his eye when Malfoy was looking the other way. I was curious to find out more.

"Don't you think Malfoy looked different today?" He whispered. His two friends stopped bickering instantly at the mention of Malfoy's name and turned to look at him with a puzzled look.

"What do you mean different mate?" said Ron who was still looking puzzled unlike Hermione who had collected herself and was biting her lip which she always did when she was confused or nervous. Finally Hermione gave in trying to figure it out on her own and agreed with Ron asking what he meant.

"Well look over at Malfoy, don't you think he looks paler than usual and he seems more…fidgety and scared?"

He watched as his two friends leaned to the side and glanced round Harry to stare at Malfoy and he saw the shocked look dance across there faces. Ron was the first one to speak out.

"Now you come to mention it he does look different, he looks sickly pale and he looks like…he's about to faint!"

"Yes your right Harry! He looks terrified and paranoid that something's going to creep up on him and well…he keeps turning and staring at you!" Hermione exclaimed. I was glad I wasn't going mental but I was also worried as this confirmed my fears that whatever was bothering Malfoy had something to do with me as he kept glancing over to look at me.

"Exactly! But I think whatever's bothering him must have something to do with me, why else would he keep looking over here and not glaring but looking like he's about to burst into tears!" I ran my fingers through my hair as if that would help me figure out what was going on, it didn't.

"Well maybe your right, maybe someone's ordered him to try and kill you?" whispered Ron.

"But Ron I don't think that's the sort of thing he's getting at, he seems frightened not angry!"

"Yes I agree with Harry! He looks scared…" I was happy to have someone who understood, Ron was my best friend but he wasn't all that clever in these situations.

"Maybe you should go and ask him if he's alright?" I spoke to soon obviously Hermione didn't understand.

"Hermione me and Malfoy have been enemies since day one, I can't just go up and ask him if he's alright, he'll either die of shock or think something is wrong and try and curse my arse off before I get a chance to explain myself!"

"Yeah Harry's right, if your arch nemesis came up to you and asked you if you were alright just because you looked a bit peaky what would you think?" Ron spat across at Hermione, I saw another fight looming between them two.

"Yeah I guess your right that would seem a bit odd but still can't you just try and be civil Ronald!" Her voice was rising with every word.

"HA! I am civil what about you kissing Dean in the common room in front of everyone!" They were now both shouting at the top of their voices and people were starting to stare, a lot of people. I had enough and stood up to leave them to it but as I turned I saw that all the slytherin's were watching the fight including Malfoy, I ducked under the table and got my bag before near running away from the staring eye's that were watching Hermione and Ron and finally made it out of the great hall.

_ xo_

"Hey Malfoy look Hermione and Ron are having yet another fight!" Blaise said excitedly pushing me round to stare at the Gryffindor table, I saw them bickering like an old married couple but then stared to see Harry hunched over trying to hide from the staring eye's around the hall, he had always hated attention, I loved that, it was sweet. Suddenly I saw Harry stand up and get his bag and run out of the hall away from all the drama, this worried me.

"Blaise why do you think Harry just ran out of the hall?"

"He hates attention doesn't he? Guess he just wanted to get away from it all!"

"But...should I go see if he's alright?" The anxiety was now building up in me.

"Yeah go and see if he's alright this will be the perfect opportunity to try and start a conversation with him, when people are upset or vulnerable they usually forget about there other enemies and just focus on the thing that's bothering them!" This made perfect sense.

"Okay I'll go and see, I have to try! I don't think I'll get another chance…" I said getting up to leave, but just as I was about to walk away Blaise grabbed my arm and pulled me down so he could whisper in my ear.

"Be careful, don't expect him to greet you with open arms, remember he still thinks you hate him, try not to be to thoughtful, it'll freak him out, to much change to quickly if you get what I mean?" I got it perfectly.

"Thank you, I understand what you mean" And with that in mind I walked quickly out of the great hall to find Harry.

My walk turned into more of a run as I got out of the great hall anxious to find Harry and to see if he was okay, As I turned to head towards the Gryffindor common room as I knew that would probably be were Harry would have been heading I saw him, he was sat with his back against the wall and his head in his hands, he looked so peaceful yet a the same time distressed, I stopped immediately and thought about what I was to say, I couldn't be to kind but I couldn't be my normal self, we would just get into a fight, I composed myself and started to stride forward trying to look as normal as possible.

"Trying to run from all the attention that those two disgraces that you call your friends were attracting Potter!" I snarled. He looked up from his hands to see me stood right in front of him with my arms crossed and one of my feet tapping up and down.

"What do you care Malfoy? Anyway you can't call my friends disgraces when you have Pansy as your friend?" I must agree with him on this one, Pansy was truly terrible! I hated her if truth be told but I had to hang around with her since Blaise liked her. I gave into defeat, this was my chance to try and be nice.

"I'm sorry, you can hang around with whomever you want, and I shouldn't interfere" I used tactics here and started to slowly walk away, until I was made to stop as I heard a voice call out.

"Draco Malfoy apologising? For insulting my friends?" I turned to stare at a very shocked Harry who was still sat on the floor. I turned to walk back to him.

"Don't be so shocked Potter, I'm not always the evil person you betray me as! Mind if I sit?

"Erm no go ahead…" he grunted as his head fell back into his hands, I sat down next to him and mirrored his position, as the awkward silence grew longer and longer I felt him move and look at me.

"So what's going on with you Malfoy, you seem to be as distressed as me" he still spat this out but not with as much hate, more with caution, actually the whole sentence was quite pleasant apart from the way my surname spat out of his mouth like it was poison. I lifted my head from my hands to look at him.

"Nothing" I spat back while pausing for a moment to add "And it's Draco not Malfoy…" his face looked taken back in shock but quickly softened.

"Okay so…Draco…you can cut the crap because I know something's up, even Hermione and Ron agree with me!" my heart skipped a beat at the thought of them all talking about me!

"You were talking about me with them!" I shouted as anger started to brew up in me! But suddenly Harry's face went from concerned to a hurt look.

"Yes…you were acting strange, we weren't saying anything bad honestly…sorry." The anger decreased instantly and I felt myself returning to normal.

"You weren't saying anything bad about me? That makes a change!" I chuckled as Harry seemed to relax.

"Massive change your usually our main topic of conversation!" he winked at me as he said this though, it felt nice talking to him…normally? This was the first time we'd ever spoke without squabbling or drawing our wands.

"This feels weird, why aren't our wands out cursing each other's arses off?" I hadn't realised I'd spoken out loud, I never let any of my thoughts be spoken aloud unless I'm alone, maybe it's because I felt so comfortable talking to him like he's not even there, I can truly be myself.

"I don't know…maybe you're not being as big a prick as you usually are?" he said smiling as he said it.

"ha ha very funny, your not a bundle of sunshine either you know?" I laughed punching his arm lightly in a playful way.

"Really I thought I was perfect?" returning my punch but being light about it as if he was scared to break me.

"HA! Far from perfect Potter!" now it was his turn.

"…It's Harry" he said looking down to the floor as he said it to push his glasses further up his nose.

"Harry" damn I said my thoughts out again!

"Yeah that's right" he said looking up with a beaming smile on his face.

"So you feeling any better and don't try to deny feeling like shit before I came and asked you if you were alright!"

"Yeah actually…I feel better than I did, it was just…" he stopped talking abruptly as if he was scared to show his real feelings, but he wasn't getting away with it that easily! I laid my hand on his shoulder and gave it a small squeeze before snatching my hand away quickly as if I had gone to far, which I felt I had but I don't know what Harry felt about it, he didn't seem bothered.

"You can tell me you know, I'm better at keeping secret than you may think! Just ask Blaise"

"Well it's just they're always fighting! And I just get sick of it sometimes, I mean back there when I said I wanted to know what was wrong with you because you seemed different they were trying to help me and got sidetracked with yet another fight! It just frustrates me sometimes…" he was panting at how quickly he had ranted without a breath.

"I understand, Blaise and Pansy can be like that…you can always…" I stopped I can't believe I had just nearly said that he has to suspect something's up! He has to!

"You can always talk to me…is that what you were going to say?"

"yeah…" I admitted.

"I know…" he said now resting his hand on my shoulder.

"Harry I find it so easy to talk to you it's like…"

"I can truly be myself?" Harry finished the sentence for me as he was increasingly doing more often.

"Yes. You keep finishing my sentences…"

"I know I just…when ever I'm upset or find it hard to say something I find it easier if someone helps me, I'll stop. I'm sorry I just thought it would help"

"No no keep doing it! It's nice, it helps a lot…"

"I'm glad" whenever he smiled his glasses would raise further up his nose and his forehead would wrinkle ever so slightly, his teeth were a pearly white but slightly crooked at the same time, it was beautiful. I felt myself leaning in and then realised what I was doing! This wasn't right, Harry was still upset this was no time for him to have to reject someone or be bogged down with confused feelings; I jerked backwards as far as I could and stood abruptly.

"Oh erm I just remembered I have to erm…meet Blaise! See you around…Harry!" I said all this trying to keep my voice as steady as I could but even I could hear the anxiety and panic in my voice, I nearly tripped over myself at the speed I was going!

"Oh okay, yeah I'll speak to you later!" he said, his voice seemed just as anxious as mine which was a relief.

"Bye!" I shouted over my shoulder as I nearly sprinted down the corridor, I'll speak to you later, did he really mean that or was it just a term of phase, I guess I'll have to wait and see.

_ xo_

As I watched Draco near enough tripping over himself as he walked quickly away from me, I was puzzled as to how and why Draco had suddenly got so panicky? I tried to retrace my steps over the last 2 minutes of conversation; finally I stumbled over where it had all gone wrong! Draco had started leaning in I remember well, he had been talking and suddenly a strange silence had fell over them and then after about a minute of this deadly silence Draco had leaned in! Why for a kiss? No of course that couldn't be the reason could it? NO! This is Malfoy were talking about, seducer of the ladies yes. But of the men? No. Especially not me, his enemy! Is that what I am to him, his enemy? I wasn't so sure anymore.

For the first time I felt this sort of sadness fall over me and I assumed it was because I had stormed out on Ron and Hermione but then I looked a little deeper, did I? No! I couldn't miss Draco now he was gone could I? But I did. I missed him, I missed the weird looks he gave at just the right times as if he didn't need to talk and his face would do all the work, I missed the nice, easy conversation that flowed out between them as if they'd been best friends for years! And most of all I missed his scent; Draco had a sort of buttery, sweet smell that was at the same time boyish yet manly! Wait I had smelt Draco! I didn't even realise! But that's when I realised I was attracted to Draco Malfoy.

_ xo_

I was nearly skipping at the situation! I was happy for the first time in months! Smiling a smile that was not a show smile but a real smile that burnt from inside me! What had just happened? I knew full well what had just happened! I had spoken with Harry and it was nice, I felt no hostile feelings towards me anymore, at least not from him, and he had pursued it, he had said speak to you later! I couldn't believe that what I had been feeling this morning had disappeared but I was still petrified about the night that lay ahead…

As I walked into the slytherin common room I saw Pansy and a couple of the other guys spread across the floor, some talking, some reading but Blaise was no where to be seen?

"Pansy where's Blaise?" I asked worriedly as the entire room looked up to see who had broken the silence.

"Oh he said he was tired…I think he went to bed?" she said overlooking my tone of panic and not hardly even bothering to stare up from her copy of the daily prophet.

"Oh okay thanks" I said as I walked up the stairs to the dorm I shared with him, I knew Pansy had said he was tired and that's why he had gone up to the dorm but I knew Blaise better than that! I had to check whether he was okay for myself! As I slightly prised the door open quietly trying not to make a sound I saw Blaise laid across his bed with a history book in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other, I thought I should walk in and let my presence be known but I couldn't seem to move, I wanted to see what he was doing, I knew something was wrong but I also knew Blaise and he was as stubborn as me and would never tell me willingly.

As I watched him read and sometimes occasionally munch on the chocolate bar I grew bored but knew I was bound to see something sooner or later. Finally there was a change in movement and Blaise placed the book on his dresser along with the empty wrapper of his chocolate bar before getting up and walking over to my bed? Blaise sat down and stroked the covers.

"I wish my feelings weren't so mixed up, do I like men? Do I like you?" he whispered still stroking. I was in shock! Blaise thought he was gay? Blaise thought he liked me? Oh god and this morning when I was talking about how I liked Harry! That must have been killing him…I had to confront him about this, he helped me so much this morning despite his feelings! I have to help him even if it means me lying to myself!

"Blaise…I heard what you just said…" I whispered as I walked through the door and closed it quickly behind me, I walked over to him and sat next to him on the bed, he looked pale and shocked but surprisingly his eyes looked happy, like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

"I…I'm sorry I don't even know if I'm fully gay yet! I don't know what I'm feeling I just need to find out and then it'll be alright! Please don't hate me Draco!"

"Oh Blaise how could I hate you? And about finding out what you're feelings I know how to solve that! Kiss me." I knew that when I was going through these emotions I didn't know if I was fully gay until I kissed a guy and it felt loads better than a girl, it felt right. I didn't want to kiss Blaise he was my best friend and besides I loved Harry and didn't think about him in that way…But I had to help him, we'd deal with any other issues after.

"What? How's that going to help? He said as he voice grew higher, I knew this meant he was trying to act like he didn't want to or didn't care, but truthfully he did.

"Look I know it sounds odd but when I was going through what your going through now the confusion, I never knew I was gay until my first kiss with a bloke, it felt right and better than any other kiss I've ever had with a girl, I bet it will be the same for you!" I saw his brain thinking it over and finally agreeing in defeat.

"But…what if I mess it up, I can't…Draco will you kiss me, I just can't make the first move I can't!" Blaise whispered as his head dropped looking down in shame and sadness. I felt my heart break a little.

"You won't mess it up trust me!" I said as I cupped my hand around his jaw and pulled his face up so his eyes were staring into mine; I took a deep breath and leaned in to softly kiss him on the lips. I wanted to pull away, I felt like I was betraying Harry but I knew that a peck on the lips wouldn't solve anything so I started to slowly move my lips turning the peck into a slow, romantic kiss. At first Blaise didn't react but it only took a moment for him to understand what was going on and to start to respond, I knew from that moment on Blaise was gay and that I could probably pull away knowing my job was done, but suddenly Blaise's tongue slid against my mouth ever so slightly asking permission to enter my mouth, it felt so good, his lips were soft and his tongue was so warm, the way he kissed was not forceful or rough more romantic and…loving, I had to pull away though before it went to far, it wouldn't be fair.

As I pulled away from the kiss I saw Blaise panting for breath, and look at me with a look I knew to well, lust.

"Your gay aren't you?" I asked saving him the trouble.

"Yeah definitely, how did you know?"

"The way you kissed, with so much passion and lust, also you didn't pull away with disgust at the thought of kissing another man!" I chuckled as I lay a hand on his knee patting it with my hand.

"So I didn't mess it up then?"

I shook my head. "Nope, you did it just right!"

"So…how did it go with Harry?"

"Oh no way! No way am I going to discuss that with you again! You have your own problems that we still have to sort out, and then we have the issue of you maybe liking me! I'd never hurt you like that Blaise never! I care about you too much…" I was shaking my head so much by the end of this I thought it was going to drop off!

"Oh Draco your so stupid sometimes! You've helped me so much already! I know I'm definitely gay now, and I know that I don't like you in that way…you're my best friend but not my lover! Harry deserves you" he laughed as he said this all the life returning to his eyes, I knew he was truly happy now.

"Are you sure your fine?" I asked carefully.

"Yes I'm fine! Now spill!"

"Okay well…I caught up with him and I took your advice to take it slow and not be to nice to him, and it worked! We started talking and it was so easy, so care free and well as I left him he called after me, Speak to you later! Is that just a term of phrase or does he truly mean that?"

"No he truly means it! You're getting mixed up with see you later, that's a term of phrase but saying, speak to you later means he wants to find you and speak to you personally! It seems as if he's already made his mind up" he said, with enthusiasm basically bouncing off every word!

"You really think so?"

"Yes I'm sure of it! Now let's go to bed otherwise we'll have another day like today! Full of drama" He said standing up and walking to his bed to get under the covers. All I wanted right now was to scream at him not to make me fall asleep but I knew that would just distress him and it might even lead to a more intimate situation if he asked me if I wanted him to stay with me tonight! I couldn't risk that. I got up and went to change into be bed clothes before finally sliding into bed; I looked over to Blaise who was basically a dead man with no intention of waking up anytime soon. I picked up a book before blowing out the last candle that lit the room and was faced with complete darkness, suddenly my want to read disappeared and I laid back determined to not fall asleep but to just think about the day's events, I didn't know I'd failed until I woke up at four in the morning screaming like a lunatic.

It had been a different dream this time, Harry and I had been asleep in a bed holding each other close as if there was something coming to prise us apart, suddenly there had been this blinding green light and I had felt Harry fall limp against me, I had screamed as I realised what happened and pressed my lips upon the now dead man before I finally awoke from my awful nightmare. Suddenly a voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Draco are you okay?" groaned Blaise as he got up from his bed and came and sat next to me as I broke down into tears. Blaise wrapped his arms around me as I sobbed into him, I can't believe how weak I am?

"I'm so weak!" I cried!

"Never say that again, you're the strongest person I know! Also the most proud…" he said soothingly stroking my hair with his warm fingers.

"Blaise…Don't leave me tonight please?" my grip tightened around his body as I pleaded with him to stay.

"I won't" he whispered as he pushed me to the other side of the bed to climb under the cover's and pull me into his arms rocking me back and forth and saying soothingly

"It's okay, just a dream, I'm here, try and fall back asleep I promise nothing will hurt you this time" and slowly I felt myself fall back into a deep dreamless sleep. I awoke with Blaise gently rocking me.

"Drake time to get up, come on you lazy sod!"

"Shut up!" I grumbled as I turned over onto my front to shove my head into the pillow, but Blaise just pulled me up so I was sitting, he wasn't letting me get away that easy.

"Okay think of it this way, the quicker you get your arse out of this bed the quicker you'll be able to perve on Harry at breakfast!" he smirked.

"Well when you put it like that…" I said getting up from the bed instantly to get dressed and rush out of the door with Blaise towards the great hall. As we entered I saw Harry sitting with Ron and Hermione, this made everything better.

_ xo_

"Harry looked who just walked in!" Ron whispered as he pointed to Draco. I turned round rapidly, I had to stare at him, that perfect body, all I wanted to do was to go up to him and pull him into me but I knew that was out of the question! I felt Hermione and Ron's eye's glaring at me with suspicion as I got back to reality.

"He looks better doesn't he?" I said trying to mask up any lingering thoughts about me that were dancing through there heads, but thankfully they seemed to let it go and return to their breakfast.

"Yeah he does doesn't he!" said Hermione looking genuinely happy!

"What do you think was up with him?"

"I don't know…" I replied honestly, I still had to find out. I turned round just to glance at him once more, and he was staring at me? We made eye contact and I saw his eye's flicker away again nervously but this time he remade eye contact! We stared at each other from across the hall for what seemed like hours but I'm sure it was only a few seconds, but then our gaze was interrupted my Blaise, god how I hated him for interrupting that moment, but before Draco broke the stare to turn and talk to Blaise he smiled at me, it was so unnoticeable that I couldn't be sure it actually happened, but I knew it had.

"HARRY! Did Draco Malfoy just smile at you?" I think Ron and Hermione had both been going for a loud whisper but it came out in a loud screech! People in the hall were starting to stare again, including the slytherin table; I could have killed them two.

"I don't know, I don't think so why would he?" I said hastily as I got up from the table knowing another embarrassing incident was going to take place.

"I don't know Harry, but he did! I'm sure of it" Exclaimed Hermione.

"Yep mate for whatever the reason is Malfoy smiled at you!"

"Erm I've got to go okay, I'm not really hungry…" I was obviously lying, I was starving at not having a chance to eat before Ron and Hermione's outburst, and people were still staring. I made my escape.

_ xo_

"Oh god Blaise! Did you hear what Ron and Hermione just said, how could I have been so stupid?"

"I think everyone heard Draco…go find him, he'll need someone to calm him down…" Blaise was always so wise, if he didn't have a boyfriend by the end of the day I'd be genuinely surprised!

"Yes your right, I'll see you in potions" I said swinging my bag over my shoulder and going off to find Harry, the problem was though, this time I had no idea where he'd be. Then I thought maybe Hagrid's, they'd always been close so maybe he went to talk to him, I walked out of the castle having not realised how cold it was, I wrapped my robes tighter around myself as I walked down the hill to Hagrid's, but they're was no need I found Harry sat against the three big stones that overlooked Hagrid's hut, but this time I approached him without even having to think about it.

"Sorry…" I said sitting down beside him not about to wait for an invitation.

"What? It wasn't you fault! What are you not allowed to smile?" he asked obviously shocked at my apology.

"Well no but…I guess I should have known better than to smile at you I mean we've been enemies since day one!"

"Been enemies?"

"Well…your not as bad as I thought Harry" I sighed, I knew I shouldn't have been so careless with words.

"Draco…I'm glad were not, enemies anymore you know"

"I know" I whispered clinging my arms around me, it was so cold you could see our breath dancing in the air like smoke, and my hands were turning a violent shade of red from the frost.

"Are you cold?"

"Very" I admitted, I couldn't see how he was so calm, the cold always made me fidget and I couldn't sit still, I had to keep moving as it made me feel warmer.

"Come on" Harry said getting up and placing a hand out for me to grab onto, I accepted the hand gladly hoisting myself up onto my feet, what surprised me though was that Harry didn't let go of my hand once I was stood next to him, we both looked down at our now entwined hands but neither of us made any attempt to break the contact, it felt nice. That is until Harry started dragging me down towards Hagrid's.

"Wait isn't the castle the other way" I said staring longingly back at the castle that was getting further and further away.

"Yes it is but we've got at least an hour until potions so…" We came to a sudden stop outside the forbidden forest.

"No way Harry…you know I don't like it in there" I whispered.

"Were not going in far, anyway I'm with you, nothing will hurt you."

I took a deep breath "Okay but promise me not to go in too far?"

"Promise" He said tugging me by the hand into the forest, it was still freezing but it wasn't as bad in hear as the tree's sheltered us from any cold air, we walked for a little while before stopping, he hadn't lied it wasn't to far in but it was far enough for me. Harry was still holding my hand as he turned to look at me and we stood in silence just staring at each other, it was truly serene, but finally I had to break the silence.

"Harry…I like you"

I clasped my hand tightly around my mouth as soon as the words had been spoken, fuck! What was I doing? I untwined my hand from Harry's and made a quick walk for it without even turning to see the look on Harry's face, I couldn't bear the look of disgust that was surely gracing over him.

"Draco! Don't leave me…"

I heard his voice break into something that sounded like tears and as I turned round to see Harry, my senses took over me and in one smooth movement I walked over to him, leant down and kissed him softly. This kiss didn't feel like the one with Blaise, it felt so much better, Harry's lips were also soft, but at the same time they felt rough and dreamy, we were both fighting for power when I finally felt Harry's tongue slide across my lips which parted instantly to allow him access, then both our tongues were in perfect harmony battling for the dominant role. I couldn't help myself; I let out a quiet moan that made Harry pull back for air and chuckle at my pleasure.

"I like you as well Draco if you haven't already noticed"

"Oh I think I noticed alright" I laughed as I lay down on the cold ground, I shivered as my skin touched the frost but then Harry was laid down next to me with his head on my chest and I felt warmth run through every part of me, it felt indescribable.

I didn't know what to think? I knew that this was wrong; I mean we have been enemies ever since we've met but now we were…I don't even know what we are! Was this just a one time thing? Harry said he liked me but that doesn't mean anything, it defiantly doesn't mean just because Blaise would accept us as a couple that anyone else in slytherin or Gryffindor would! We wouldn't be accepted and Harry has enough on his mind right now with the rise and return of Voldermort! I can't believe I've just confused him like this, how could I have been so selfish? I was so caught up in all these worries that I didn't even feel my body begin to shake as my tears escaped and I started to sob quietly.

"Draco?" I heard Harry's voice which brought me back to reality. Harry lifted his head off my chest and leaned over me wiping the tears from my face.

"Haa...Harry...I'm…So…Sorry!" I cried as I held onto the hand that was on my face, and then I saw Harry's wonderful face change to a state of pure confusion.

"Draco why are you sorry?"

"You'll think I'm silly!"

"I won't, I promise just please tell me what's upset you" he whispered.

"Well…I'm so sorry! You have enough things to worry about with the dark lord returning and I've been selfish and ruined everything because you said you liked me and even if that's true you can't be with me because no one would accept us for who we are! Anyway at times like this we can't afford to love anyone as people are being snatched away everyday! You can't love me now, if I were to die you'd want to grieve and you can't grieve you need to be strong to defeat…Voldermort…" the sobs started up again but this time they were even more violent and I was shaking all over becoming hysterical, I couldn't breath, I'd never felt this much before.

_ xo_

I looked down at Draco's face, he looked so vulnerable, so breakable, so un-Malfoy! My heart was braking at how much he cared for me; I couldn't stand to see him like this but at the same time I knew what I had to do.

"Oh Draco…I only agree with one point in that speech, and that is that it's too dangerous to love anyone in these circumstances, the rest is pure crap! I don't give a damn what people think! I want you, I want you to be mine, and I want everyone to know about it! You have not been selfish nor have you confused me, I see clearly that I want to be with you but…I think your right about not being able to love anyone….maybe we should wait until after the war is over to start anything, maybe we should go back to the way we were just until the time comes…" my heart was braking at what I was saying but I knew that he understood, he knew how I felt and he knew why I was saying it, he after all was the one that made the point in the first place!

_ xo_

I heard the words but I couldn't react I couldn't even carry on sobbing, my whole body came to a complete halt and all I could do was stare up at Harry.

"Draco…?" Harry whispered.

This snapped me out of my state and I had to gather myself, okay so he's said that it's better if we go back to being enemies until the war's finished with, then maybe we could start up again.

"Harry I understand…but we've only just started I didn't want it to end this soon!"

"I know but this isn't the end it's just the beginning with a pause in the middle, we'll be together, but in time" I knew his words were wise, just like Blaise.

"You're right…we'll go back to how we were as a cover, we won't speak to each other and we'll try and suppress our feelings until this war is done with!"

"Perfect! It'll be okay we can do this!" I saw Harry's face light up and I knew that he had been so nervous that I would take it the wrong way and end it all forever, it's must have taken so much bravery and thought to say those things without them being taken the wrong way.

"Can we have one last kiss before we go back to being…enemies?" I knew this was a bad idea but I had to ask. Harry didn't even have to reply, he leant down instantly and placed him lips firmly onto mine, we stayed like that for ages with the kiss slowly deepening into a very firm snog, and our nails were digging into each other's arms with both of us knowing that if we let go it would be the end until the time came, and nobody knew how long that would be!

Finally after what seemed like a second to us but what had actually been ten minutes we reluctantly pulled away from each other and stood up, the kiss had been amazing but it was to short, I wanted it to last forever but it didn't. We walked up to potions in silence not saying a word to each other, but just as I was about to open the door to Snape's classroom Harry grabbed me by the arm and whispered in my ear.

"These will be the last kind word's I say to you until the time comes when we can be together, I want you to know that I love you and anything malicious I say over this time will be totally fake, do not take any of it to heart! I promise I care about you, cling on to these last words…we will be together" Harry looked down the corridor before pulling me into a tight embrace before letting me go.

The rest of the day passed by in a blur and all I wanted to do was find Blaise and cry, my mind wasn't functioning right, teacher's kept asking me if I was alright, I don't know if it was because of the blank look on my face or the fact that I literally didn't have it in me to be mean to anyone! I just accepted everyone and let everything go, anything mean that was said from the Gryffindor house I just grunted at, I couldn't respond with anything even remotely mean, This had to be the day when Blaise was not in any of my lessons other than potions didn't it? He tried to talk to me at lunch but of course Pansy kept chipping in with all her excited squeals about literally everything that passed her eye, she was like a little annoying Yorkshire terrier, forever hyper, forever annoying.

Finally we were dismissed from divination, the final lesson of the day. I ran from that lesson and up to the my dorm in the slytherin block, as soon as I got through the door I locked it and turned round to see Blaise already present sitting on my bed, I couldn't contain myself any longer and I burst into erratic tears while launching myself into Blaise's open arms.

"Shh Sh its okay tell me what happened!" Blaise said soothingly while stroking me hair.

"Blaise! Everything went amazingly, we even made out and we said we both liked each other but then we realised that it was to dangerous to love anyone while this awful war's going on so we said that we'd act like we didn't feel anything until the war was over and the time was right!"

"Oh Draco I know it's hard it must be killing you I can't imagine! But hang on to the fact that he clearly loves you and that you will be together eventually! It'll be worth the wait" God I hated it when Blaise made so much sense out of something that was confusing me so much, he made it seem so simple, he made it all okay.

"Oh Blaise you make everything better! I sort of wish that I didn't feel this way about Harry, it would be so much simpler if I had the same feelings for you! If I somehow changed how much I love you as a friend into a love that someone feels for a lover it would be greater than any power on this earth!" I whispered the last part as I literally clung to Blaise digging my nails into him trying to gain as much closeness as was physically possible. I felt Blaise stir and try and move to lay on the bed and pull me onto his chest but I wouldn't let go of him, I couldn't let go of him, I felt as though if I let go of him the same thing that happened with Harry would happen with Blaise! I knew this was stupid but I felt so insecure about everything since I was so shaken up.

"Erm Draco you'll have to let go of me for a second so I can make you more comfortable…"

"NO!" I screamed clinging to him like a new born monkey.

"Shh…its okay I won't leave you, it'll only be for a minute and just think all these terrible feelings will go away once you're asleep"

"Okay…" I whispered reluctantly releasing my death grip and standing up. Blaise stood quickly and pulled the covers back, he then quickly pulled me into a tight hug before he laid me down in the bed while climbing in after me and pulling the cover's over us before he reached out and pulled me to his chest.

"See that wasn't that bad was it?"

"No I guess not but…I still didn't like it, any longer and I would have collapsed again!" I laughed weakly as I resumed my death grip to his body.

"Okay I promise not to let go of you again Draco, but only if you get some sleep!"

"Blaise…Promise not to leave this bed tonight, stay with me?"

"I promise, now sleep." I closed my eyes and the darkness loomed over me and pulled me into the dream world that was getting increasingly worse every night.

I woke up screaming again, this night the dream had been even worse! I was in the forbidden forest alone and then suddenly I heard something, I turned to see Harry! I ran to him but he put his arm out in front of him to restrain me and then he spoke those awful words _"I don't want you, who could ever want you?"_ I had tried kissing him despite this but he pushed me to the floor and drew his wand _"Arvada Kedavra!" _this green light had hit me and the dream ended.

I turned over to try and snuggle up to Blaise for any sort of comfort but…he was gone? I knew he's leave me! Harry was right who could ever want me? Who could ever want a Malfoy! I started screaming at the top of my voice whist thrashing about in the bed, tears spurted out of my eyes while I was sure my face had turned a violent shade of red. Suddenly I heard the bathroom door open and Blaise came running towards me with fear stuck to his face.

"DRACO! Stop! Its okay I'm here, your fine!" he screamed as he grabbed my wrists and pinned me to the bed stopping my erratic movements.

"Blaise you said you wouldn't leave me?" I cried.

"I'm sorry Draco! I'm so sorry! I had to go to the bathroom, I didn't think of waking you, I was stupid and careless!" he whispered as he sat up releasing me from the pressure he had been holding me down with, he pulled me up to sit on his lap and cradled me like I was a baby.

"I'm sorry Blaise, it's not your fault, I just had a bad dream that's all and in it Harry said he didn't and that no one could ever want me! And to wake up and find you gone, well I though Harry was right and that you didn't want me either!"

"Listen to me! I could never not want you, I love you Draco!"

"I love you to Blaise" I knew this wasn't the sort of love I felt for Harry this was a different love, a friendly love. Eventually I fell back into sleep as Blaise cradled me in his arms while soothingly stroking my hair.

The next morning I woke in Blaise's arms, he was already awake and he was staring at me with sadness in his eye's of what I'd become, a paranoid, weak, vulnerable little boy. I couldn't see him hurt like this; I had to pull myself together for his sake. I plastered a fake smile on my face and leant up and gave him and small peck on the cheek.

"I feel a bit better now" I lied.

"Really? Oh Draco I'm so happy I knew the first night would be hard but it'll get better I promise!" He literally sang his happiness out of him! I was genuinely happy to see that a small lie like that could have such an affect on him; he must really care for me.

"Yes I do, do you know what time it is? I can't miss another day of school!"

"Don't worry Drake its Saturday we can do anything you want!"

"Oh god this week has gone past so fast I didn't even know what day it was!" I chuckled lightly.

"Yep, so what do you fancy doing?"

"Well do you think maybe I could have some time alone to go to the library, I think Pansy will be missing you, I bet she thinks I'm stealing you away from her!"

"To hell with Pansy she can think what she wants! What I really want is to stay here with you all day and kiss you but I don't think that's going to work so on second thought's I might go and hang out with Pansy!" said Blaise as he got up walking to the bathroom to get changed. Blaise wanted to kiss me? Oh god I knew he'd been lying when he only thought of me as a friend! But I had more important things to worry about like what I was going to revise in the library! I had decided last night that I wanted to marry Harry as soon as the time came when we could be together, it would be grand gesture and it would be the perfect way to say I had missed him! But I had to research this carefully, I didn't even know if gay marriages were possible in the wizarding world as my father had obviously never mentioned anything other than me marrying a pure blood witch and producing a male heir. I knew in the muggle world that it was accepted and that two men could marry so I was hoping it would be the same here! I got up to get dressed into something that looked a bit more comfortable than my normal school robes; I donned a black shirt with some black skinny jeans and then pulled out a red woollen scarf to add some colour to the outfit (Also it was still quite cold as winter was approaching) I then pushed my feet into my black leather shoes and left without waiting to say goodbye to Blaise who was still in the bathroom.

As I walked down the corridor I saw Weasley and Granger walking towards me, but where was Harry? They're always together, the golden trio! As I passed them they both smiled and nodded at me? I was so confused and then I realised! Harry must have told them! I relaxed a bit at the thought of him thinking of me; at least it wasn't just me. I carried on my journey to the library but as I walked in I saw Harry sitting at the back of the room with his self immersed in a potions book that he was clearly trying to figure out! Harry was never that bright at potions. I walked over to the section I wanted "_Wizarding Laws" _and picked up three books that looked like they had relevance to my desired subject.

"_What's accepted and what's not?" By Viktor Eathdrop_

"_How and why these Laws are in place?" By Corn Prongs_

"_What laws are not to be reasoned with?" By Ignacious Xenophilius_

I thought these books might help at least a little so I picked them up glancing over at Harry who still hadn't noticed that I had entered the library, I walked behind him with my books and picked the one off the top up with my free hand and whacked him lightly over the back of the head with it! He turned round to see his _"Attacker"_ and Draco gave him a quick playful wink before walking towards the table in the far corner of the room, when he sat down he turned to look at Harry who was staring at him with a playful smile on his face, it was beautiful. I couldn't look at it any longer so I picked up the first book and started to flick through it until I found the section I wanted!

"_Wizarding Marriages"_

_Wizarding marriages are complicated things. Unlike in the muggle world you can not apply for a divorce without a very good, valid reason that has to be approved by the marriage department at the ministry of magic._

_Gender is another matter, if two men or women were to want to marry the same sex then they would have to apply for permission from the minister of magic himself, this would include proving they're love for each other and also paying the marriage compensation which is usually around 100-200 galleons. This would be paid back upon the couple's 50__th__ anniversary if they last to that. But if all the paperwork and money is in order then two men or women are permitted to marry._

I was ecstatic! That's all I need to know, it was allowed, it might not be as simple or easy but it was permitted, he could marry Harry providing he say yes! I picked up my books and walked over to Harry, I had decided I needed to hear his voice even if it wasn't saying the nicest things to me, I knew Harry could act so I knew what to be prepared for.

"Hey there Potter failing miserably at potions I see!"

"What do you want Malfoy? Come to gloat?"

"Yes actually I have" I snarled but I knew he could sense it was playful!

"Well you can piss off!"

"Alright Potter you win but I better not see you anywhere near the astronomy tower before lunch or I will use crucio on your fucking arse!" I leant down and whispered it in his ear as a hint, I knew I shouldn't but I had to see him, kiss him, and hold him! I sauntered out of the library knowing all to well that Harry would soon follow suit and meet me in the astronomy tower.

Ten minutes later I heard footsteps approaching, they were fast paced and I stepped out from my pillar to have Harry stampede into my torso!

"Woah, what's the rush Potter?" I teased as I pulled him behind the pillar and out of sight of passing eyes.

"Oh fuck off Draco I can't believe mmph…" I stopped Harry in mid sentence by kissing him fiercely, it felt amazing!

"Ohhh Harry do you know how sexy you are when you study?" I whispered pulling away and staring into his beautiful green eyes, but the problem was they weren't filled with lust or happiness they were filled with sadness.

"What's wrong, and don't try and lie to me!"

"Look I need to try and find these horcruxes and they're not in the school, I'm going away with Ron and Hermione to search for them, they're the only way to destroy Voldermort!" My heart Broke. I wouldn't see Harry for god knows how long, he'd be

"Please Harry let me come! I want to help!"

"NO! It's to dangerous anyway I can't have you sleeping in the same tent with me and not being able to love you it's to difficult as it is! You need to stay here, I've heard the school will fall, it will be attacked Draco and they need you here; you need to train up the younger students! We all need to fight"

"Harry…I love you" I cried as I snuggled into his shoulder "When do you leave?"

"Oh Draco I love you more than anything! And…tonight, I found out today or I would've told you sooner!"

"I believe you Harry but promise me one thing?"

"Anything Draco"

"Promise you'll come back for me?"

"Always! I promise I'll come back and we'll be together!" Harry whispered as he pulled me in for a long passionate kiss before we departed for what would be the longest departure of our lives.

_ xo_

"_The dark lord has fallen! Harry Potter the saviour of the wizarding world has defeated Voldermort!" _

Draco sat they're with Blaise listening to the live radio broadcast that was turned on full blast, the day had finally come! Five years he had to wait for this dreadful war to be over and now Harry had done it! He was going to return just like he promised many years ago.

"Blaise is it finally here?"

"Yes Draco, you'll be so happy!" Blaise whispered as a tear rolled down his face.

"Oh Blaise you do realise this doesn't change anything, you're my best friend always will be, I love you."

"I love you to Draco" Blaise whispered as he wiped away his tears and smiled, I was so happy, Harry was coming back, Blaise was finally happy having found someone that he fancied enough to pursue his feelings on and everything would be perfect, I put my hand into my pocket and felt around for the velvety box that contained two sliver rings, I knew it was time to purchase the rings when I had a dream two nights ago about me and Harry saying "_I do"_

I waited by the big bay window that was at the front of the burrow, I had made peace with all the weasley's and they had welcomed me and Blaise with open arms understanding how much I meant to Harry and how much my father had corrupted me, they blamed him not me, which was rightly so. I waited until nightfall and the time passed and passed, they tried to make me eat and sleep but I knew I couldn't! What if I missed that moment when I see his face again for the first time in years? I wouldn't ever forgive myself, I knew he was coming, I trusted him! So I sat by that window waiting, I slept there, I ate there but I knew I had lost a lot of weight, a dangerous amount of weight, but I waited for him.

"Draco?" A small womanly voice that belonged to Mrs Weasley startled me back reality.

"Hmmm?" I replied not diverting my glance from the window.

"How long is this going to go on? You're running yourself into an early grave!" I still didn't divert my glance from the window.

"Just trust me Mrs Weasley, he's coming, it'll just take time!"

"DRACO MALFOY! Listen to me this can't carry on! Your skin and bones, if you try and stand you'd just collapse! How much time does he need? Draco it's been a year that you've sat her for now…" Then it dawned on me, a year since the war ended and I had been sat at this window oblivious to the fact that Harry had broken his promise and never come back for me. I broke down in tears.

"Oh dear come here" sighed Mrs Weasley as she walked over and pulled Draco into a big hug.

"Mrs Weasley he promised me, he said he'd come back! What happened to him?"

"Oh dear I don't know! I've heard from Ron and Hermione and they say he's at Grimmauld place, they're with him and he's perfectly normal, he got over the war Months ago so it isn't that, they think he's forgotten…"

"FORGOTTEN? How could he fucking forget the promise he made to the man he loves? I need to see him!" I stood up and walked to the fireplace and muttered

"Grimmauld place" And they're I was staring into a normal looking living room and faced with Ron, Hermione…and Harry! They all turned round from they're conversation to look at me, I couldn't believe it? I'd missed him so much; I'd missed Ron and Hermione! I couldn't believe this was happening? Six years.

"HARRY WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?" I screeched.

"Draco?" Harry whispered.

"THAT DOESN'T ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION DOES IT POTTER?"

"What are you doing here?" Harry again whispered this as though he was scared, I must have been quite scary actually because I made Ron and Hermione leave the room, but maybe that's because we needed privacy.

"YOUR STILL NOT ANSWERING THE QUESTION POTTER!"

"I though you were dead…"Dead? How could I have been dead? My mind was swimming with things.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN POTTER?"

"Draco stop using my last name…please"

"I WILL NOT STOP! I WAITED POTTER ONE YEAR SINCE THE WAR ENDED! I SAT BY THAT WINDOW AND DIDN'T MOVE! I DIDN'T EAT; I LOST 4 STONE IN WEIGHT! I DIDN'T SLEEP!" I took a deep breath and whispered

"You never came back, I was in denial that you'd come back, I was dying Potter."

"Draco listen to me carefully, I listened to that radio every morning and night with Ron and Hermione listening for your name on the list of the dead, a week before the final battle I heard that five Malfoy's had been killed in an explosion, I knew the number's in your family but I miscalculated and I only worked that out two months ago! I though you were dead up until two months ago and by the time I worked it out I thought it was to late, I was scared of having to give you an answer to why I hadn't come! I was scared to face you like this…I was scared you'd moved on" Harry's eye's filled with tears as he looked down at his lap. It all made perfect sense now! But he still hadn't had enough courage to face me, not even to visit to say he was alive, it killed me, and I collapsed.

I woke god knows how long after I had collapsed in a strange room, I turned on my side to see Harry sitting in an armchair crying. I still loved him.

"Harry?" I whispered.

"Draco I'm sorry"

"I know Harry I know…" I reached out my hand to try and pat his arm but when I put my arm in the air and tried to move forward to reach Harry my arm lost strength and was forced to flop back to my side.

"Don't try and move your weak, the healer said you've had near to no sleep for a year and that you've been surviving on near enough 500 calories a day when your meant to have 2500 calories, you didn't just collapse back there Draco…you nearly died! I thought I was going to lose you just as I found you again!" I nearly died? I couldn't believe that I got into such a state without even fully knowing it; all I thought about was Harry.

"Harry…come closer" I rasped.

"I'm here it's okay" Harry whispered as he pulled his armchair right up to the bed and took my weak hand with so little effort like it was a piece of foam and held it tightly to his face.

"Harry please…?"

"What Draco? What do you need?"

"I need to know you love me that you'll never leave me or break my promises again, I want to feel you close to you Harry…"

"Draco I do love you more than anything, I know my excuse doesn't solve anything, but I thought you were dead Draco!" Harry whispered the last part.

"I know but you just carried on, I thought you'd at least grieve more, look for my body to have a proper burial, God knows if it was you I would have never stopped searching for your body however hard it was!"

"I never thought of that…I did grieve! I cried every night when I believed you to be dead, every night!"

"YOU NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT? Harry I'm sorry but I don't want to be with you when you're this careless about what happens to me! I'm afraid I'll have to stay here until I get better, so a couple of weeks probably but then I'll be gone Harry, Please don't come and visit me in this room again." I meant this to be screamed at Harry but that was far above my capabilities at the moment so I settled for a loud whisper.

"NO! Draco I'm sorry! I love you…"

"I know, and I love you but this has to be done, maybe sometime in the future if you learn to be less careless and care that extra bit more for me then maybe we could get back together, but at this point I really doubt that" This was braking my heart but I'd realised something, that even though I think my heart would always truly belong to Harry, I had someone who already cared for me, Blaise. Blaise was so nice, so right, he might not be what I truly want but I still want him. Harry was now slumped in the leather armchair with his eye's tearing.

"Harry?" he looked up immediately.

"Yes Draco!" I could hear the hope in his voice and god I wanted to take it but I knew that wouldn't be right.

"Harry would you please inform Blaise that I am here, he'll be worried, he usually spends every day sat by the window keeping me company since I haven't moved from it in a year apart from going to the toilet so he'll be panicking, ask him to come here I want to see him." I saw the disappointment and confusion in Harry's eyes, I was wondering why he was confused until it snagged. Harry got up without a word and went to open the door but just as he was about to leave I rasped after him

"Oh and Harry were not going out just very close friends. It was never anybody but you." Harry's face lit up but he still didn't say a word, I think he needed time to digest the information.

_ xo_

I couldn't believe that me and Draco wouldn't be together, if I had cared that little bit more, I wanted someone to blame but I knew even Ron and Hermione who still didn't particularly like Draco would say he's right and he is. It's my own stupid fault and I need to face the consequences. I carried on walking until I got to the fireplace and flooed to the burrow.

"BLAISE!" I shouted as I walked into the stone kitchen.

"Draco? Is that you what happened?" Blaise exclaimed running into the kitchen almost tripping over his own feet. "HARRY?" Blaise near enough screamed this at me before bounding over to me and hugging me tightly, I couldn't believe that Blaise was so nice, I never knew. But then I got a hard shove to the floor from Blaise and I was on my back with a wand in my face.

"What went wrong Potter? You fucking bastard! Draco was dying, he wouldn't eat or sleep! All I could do was watching him wither away slowly; he wouldn't even listen to me!"

"Blaise I'm so sorry! Please! I listened to the list of the dead every night before the war and on the final week before the deed was done I heard that 5 Malfoy's had been murdered and I miscalculated the numbers and believed Draco to be dead until 2 months ago when I found out from Mrs Weasley that he was alive! I was too scared to face him as I'd have to explain and I thought…I thought that he'd have moved on…"

"Well he didn't move on! Maybe you should have more faith in him! Maybe you should have cared more?" Blaise had loosened his grip on my arms now but was still on top of me not about to let me go before he'd fully defended Draco.

"I know Blaise, I was…I was stupid and now I've lost him! He said that he didn't want to be with me while I was so careless! He's right but he wants you Blaise, he told me to come and get you since he thought you'd be worried, which he was right about."

"Oh Harry! I am sorry about Draco but if he thinks something's wrong he will not pursue it until it feels right, he's forever scared of making the same mistakes his father did so he's awfully cautious about his feelings, that's why it hurt him so much because it's the first time he allowed himself to love. Come on let's go to Grimmauld place eh?" Blaise said as he pulled me off the floor and into the fireplace.

"Blaise…I didn't know that about Draco and his father…"

"I know but you have to understand or they'll never be another chance for you two"

"You think they're might be a chance for us?"

"I know there will be if you first understand then act on it!"

_ xo_

I sat there just wanting to climb out of bed and do something! Anything! But I knew I was too weak, I could barely move my legs let alone stand, but I didn't care about anything any more! I was so disorientated and I slowly pulled myself up into a sitting position and swung my legs carefully around over the edge of the bed, I placed my feet on the floor bracing myself for falling to the floor when I tried to stand, I knew this was probably dangerous in my critical state but I honestly didn't care about anything anymore.

"Don't you dare even think of trying to stand Draco Malfoy!" said a familiar voice.

"Blaise! Thank god you're here!" I sobbed as I was tucked back into bed by Blaise's strong arms, I glanced over at the doorway to see Harry hovering with a saddened look on his face, I couldn't talk to Blaise with him there but I don't know if I have the heart to send him away. Luckily Blaise knew me like a book, he took one look and me and one look at Harry and knew exactly what I was thinking.

"Erm Harry would you mind if me and Draco had a bit of privacy? I think he wants to talk…"

"Oh yeah of course! Sorry!" Harry was then snapped back into reality by Blaise's sweet yet demanding tone and he hurried out of the room closing the door behind him.

"How do you do that?" I demanded.

"Do what?"

"Know exactly what I'm thinking like it's written on my face!"

"Oh Draco I just know you well!" Blaise chuckled as he bent down and placed a long hard kiss on my lips! I didn't know what to think? I honestly thought Blaise had gotten over me, but clearly I was wrong. I wanted to end it because I still felt guilty for Harry but then I remembered that I had nothing to feel guilty for! I wasn't even with Harry anymore and anyway the first contact I've had in 6 years felt nice Blaise went to pull away but I grabbed him by his shoulders and pulled him back down for another kiss, this time it was Blaise's turn to be surprised until he realised what was happening and kissed me back hungrily like he'd been waiting for this for years, I guess he sort of had. Blaise was so sweet always being careful not to lean any weight on me when he moved, that's why I had to tell him.

"Blaise stop…" Blaise stopped immediately pulling back from the kiss. I couldn't believe that he had stopped that quickly, he was obviously enjoying it from the bulge in his pants but that was yet another thing to show how much he cared about my wants and needs.

"Blaise I love you so much, but I don't know in what way, I need time to figure this out, I need to know what I feel for both you and Harry…" I sighed.

"I understand Draco it was wrong of me to kiss you while you were vulnerable, I apologise."

"No Blaise don't apologise, it was nice, very nice in fact! I didn't want to stop it you know but I had to, it wasn't fair if I led you on while still having feelings for Harry!"

"Thank you for caring enough about me to put me first…"

"Anytime Blaise anywhere I'll always put you first!" I said for the first time in what seemed like a normal voice, I leant up a placed one sweet peck on his cheek before lying back down and trying to finally get some rest.

_ xo_

Two weeks had passed and I finally felt ready to get out of bed and try to do something for myself. Harry had been to visit me again despite what I said, but I can only think that Blaise must be instructing him to do things right and giving him advice on how to win me back despite his feelings. I and Harry were back on speaking terms…but only as friends. I wasn't ready for more with him and never would be unless he showed me that he had changed, I couldn't forgive him just like that.

As I walked out of the stuffy bedroom now fully dressed and down the stairs into the kitchen I heard Blaise and Harry talking.

"_Harry you have to do something grand, something that proves your love and makes Draco trust you again!"_

"_I know that Blaise! But what do I do?" _

"_Look Harry your going to have to figure this one out on your own, I want to help you but I also want you to change for Draco's sake! It'll come to you Harry just give it time."_

"_Oh maybe I just won't bother, he probably doesn't still love me anyway!"_

I was outraged at how easily Harry gave up on me, yet another reason to why I shouldn't be with him. I stormed into the kitchen slamming the velvet box that I carried around endlessly with me on the table in front of Harry.

"A GRAND GESTURE! A FUCKING MARRIAGE PROPOSAL! HOW HARD IS IT?"

Harry just looked gob smacked.

I carried on. "Harry for gods sake that last day we were in Hogwarts together I researched gay marriages and they were allowed, I went out and bought the rings knowing that I would marry you providing you say yes when you returned, obviously you never returned so I just kept hold of them, never letting go but now I see how easily you give up on me…AGAIN! So you can keep them, were not getting back together and we never will!" I screamed all this at him and turned to Blaise who looked frightened but not happy even though this is what he should want, me not wanting Harry but he wasn't like that, he looked sad for me, I knew I loved him in that moment. I walked round the table to lean over Blaise and I bent down and kissed him in front of Harry and not because I wanted to make Harry jealous but because I honestly wanted to kiss Blaise. I finally pulled back from the kiss and looked Blaise in the eyes.

"Thank you…" I whispered as I bent down to kiss him again.

"For what?"

"For being there for me always and stop looking so shocked am I not allowed to kiss my boyfriend?"

"Bo…boy...Boyfriend?" He stuttered.

"Yes unless you don't want to be with me?"

"No! No! I want to be with you I'm just…"

"…shocked?" I said remembering Harry's technique of helping someone when they were struggling; I then took Blaise's hand and dragged him out of the room and upstairs to my bedroom.

"I'm sorry I had to do that there Blaise, it probably looked like I was trying to make Harry jealous but I promise you that was not the intention I just wanted to kiss you right there and then…I love you…" I was panicking as to how it must have seemed, how could I have been so dumb?

"Draco please it's fine, I believe you, if you say you weren't trying to make Harry jealous then you weren't trying to make Harry jealous…I love you to." Blaise whispered slowly edging forward and placing a hand around my waist to pull me into his body; even though I was still a little taller than him I was sure he was going to be the dominant male in this relationship! I leant down and deepened a quick peck on the lips to a very passionate kiss, our tongues found each other and we kissed for what seemed like hours until finally Blaise pushed me backwards onto the bed still kissing me. I rolled us over so I was straddling Blaise and carried on kissing him, but then it all went to quickly, Blaise moved his head down to place sweet kisses around my neck which was lovely but when he tried to unbutton the top of my shirt I froze up, it felt to much like when Harry had kissed me in the forbidden forest and I jumped up and ran to the corner that was the furthest away from Blaise and pulled my knee's to my body and started crying violently.

"Draco?" Blaise whispered, I didn't have to look up to know he'd be walking slowly towards me in order not to scare me. I felt Blaise's arms around me and I collapsed into a heap in his arms sobbing.

"Blaise…I'm so…sorry…it felt to much like Harry…and it freaked me out…I want to but I'm just…scared I'll lose you"

"Listen to me, you will never lose me, I love you and will never leave you alone, and don't apologise it's my fault for rushing you! I'm sorry."

"Oh Blaise…thank you for understanding…we will do it…but I need time…"

"I won't rush you"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx THE END xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

Okay this is my first fanfiction. I really really hope you like it and it will mean a lot to me if you review it! I'll be happy to take constructive criticism as well :D Also if you think it's good and want a sequel were something could happen with Harry and Draco again then please just inbox me! Bye! x3


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